Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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