Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize