Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
