This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize