you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
