lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
