atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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