We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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