party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
