Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize