Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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