I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
