I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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