I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
