before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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