I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
