a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
