We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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