she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
