My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
