i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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