I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
