Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
