I love black thongs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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