I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
