My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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