Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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