put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
