I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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