I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can text with my tongue
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
two words: eviction party
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
