Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
