One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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