You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize