marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
