I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
