We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize