man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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