Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
