i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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