I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
