Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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