I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
