i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Boobs are out for the taking
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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