next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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