Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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