thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
