youre lurking in front of me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
