I heard we made out
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We need to rekindle our bromance
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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