Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
