Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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