I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
