the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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