im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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