She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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