So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
