waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
