is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
