so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
