see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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