is your mom at the bar?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
