he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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