did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
