I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
