I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
