Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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