Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You can't motorboat a personality
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize