There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Girls should come with a carfax report
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize