its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
