He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
