Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
