Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
