I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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