Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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