What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
