is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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