My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
