Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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