I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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