my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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